[et_pb_section][et_pb_row make_fullwidth="off" use_custom_width="off" width_unit="on" use_custom_gutter="off" padding_mobile="off" allow_player_pause="off" parallax="off" parallax_method="off" make_equal="off" padding_top_1="40" padding_bottom_1="20"][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Title" background_layout="light" text_orientation="center" text_font_size="52" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" custom_padding="10||10|" text_text_color="#666666"]<strong>The Parental Relationship</strong>[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Content" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" custom_padding="20||20|"]<p>It is no great surprise that a majority of the youth we interviewed were frustrated at one or more levels with their parents.  Yet some surprising findings came from our interviews with those teens who had made good transitions to life on their own.  A significant majority of these youth still had the desire to please their parents intact.   As we pondered this, it made sense. Youth who wanted to please their parents had a reason to avoid the activities that would pull them off course in the transition.  Unfortunately we found this to be the case with only a fraction of the youth we interviewed.  By contrast a majority were either looking forward to if not screaming for freedom from their parents.</p>

<p>We found that those who made great transitions to life on their own had dramatically different relationships with their parents.  These relationships took on a more peer-to-peer or adult-to-adult tone. Confidence and independence had been extended to these youth much earlier by their parents.</p>

<p>Another piece of research supported these findings.  Notre Dame University found that 69% of teens wanted more parental involvement in their lives.  This is a finding that many parents would find difficult to believe due to what they experienced with their adolescents.   YTN found that while a majority of youth wanted more parental involvement and a closer relationship with their parents, they believed it was not possible.   While they wanted more closeness and involvement, they sought a different type of involvement and did not think they had the platform to address these issues with their parents. They thought they  would either be misunderstood or worse result in an argument.</p>

<p>The Notre Dame Study, combined with our research, calls into the question our cultural conclusion, that no matter what, there will be distance in the relationship and issues during the adolescent years. As a culture we have come to dread the thought of our kids’ becoming adolescents.</p>

<p>This does not need to be the case.  Parents, who have adopted a different view and changed how they engage with their adolescents,  report closer relationships, more influence and 70% to 80% fewer conflicts.   The parent adolescent relationship can be enjoyable, positive, and empowering.  To experience such an outcome we must alter our view of adolescents and align our approach with the reality of the changes that occur within the adolescent brain.  Altering our approach in these years allows our kids to remain connected to us, seek our involvement and maintain their desire to please us which our research indicates is critical if our youth are to avoid the common pitfalls of adolescence.</p>[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]